April 1, 2001

Jim,
    First of all, I wanted to say thank you for indulging 
me the last eight months or so. You are too kind, indeed!
    There are very few things in life I look back on with 
regret. May 24/25, 1998 is one of those things. I let my 
anger over another situation cloud my instincts, intuition, 
and inclinations. That is something I'd like to think I've 
learned from. I walked out knowing what the end result would 
be. I said it to my companions that night, and especially 
when we found out that Ziggy's was closed the next night! 
(Thanks Hunter! You and your big mouth! hehehe) It's typical 
for me, and I knew from then on what would happen. Ah well! 
Next time I won't be so worried about making a good first 
impression. That was why I left the Palace. I left because 
there was no doubt it was going to get ugly had I stayed, and 
I really didn't think I wanted to scare you first thing. 
That was going to be fixed the next night, then, 
hahahah...party central had been shut down! So instead, I 
ended up truly scaring the hell out of you, with the most 
unique first impression I'm sure you've ever had! :) My 
apologies again for that. I've never been meek and mild 
I'm afraid!
    I really didn't expect you to be as open to things as 
you were, especially since I lieterally blindsided you last 
summer. That really told me a lot though. More than just 
the words you spoke. I'm also sorry that you got reamed for 
the apparant 'faulty delivery'. That will hopefully be 
rectified, and explained later. I was more than surprised 
when you let me know you got and understood everything, and
in the process, let me know my boldness wasn't too terrifying, 
and that you didn't look down on me for it, or place me in 
that hated category. I'm figuring/hoping that you didn't 
because of a conversation most likely had between you two 
about what things are like, and how they've been done up here. 
Egotistical? Perhaps. But, it's about the only thing that 
makes sense when thinking back on everything. I'm just glad 
to know that you did what you thought you needed to do with 
everything given, and I very much appreciate that.
    I hope now you are back home with your family and friends, 
and life can go back to whatever 'normal' was for you before 
you started touring to death! I know you'll be happier and 
healthier for it now. Who knows? Maybe you'll be back around 
with the federation down the road (laughs hysterically--yeah 
I know.. twisted sense of humour!) Or, maybe I'll just keep 
my eyes peeled for some 'outlaw security' if I get down around 
that way to see some shows.
    There really is so much more I wanted to say. To explain. 
I just hope that some of it already WAS explained, or that it 
can be a little later, if that's still an available route. 
That's looking close to 'time expired' as well, now isn't it?!
    My final thought to you really isn't mine. The only way I 
could think of to close this appropriately, was with the lyrics
from a song I'm sure you're very familiar with. Know that they 
are the absolute reflection of what I truly wanted to say with 
this, but probably didn't say at all, my true hopes 
and wishes for you then, now, and always.
 
"We were friends, yet never all that close.
Two different people, Lord. I guess, yeah, I suppose.
Well I could see by the lines on your face, 
So much on your mind.
Searchin' for someone, anyone, something to treat you kind.
 
I hope you found what you were looking for,
'Cause I haven't seen your face around here no more.
When did life become a chore? 
When was it that you couldn't take it anymore?
With nothin' above you, and nothin' below,
Couldn't cure the need for somewhere else to go. 
I just hope you found, what it was that you were lookin' for."

As always, 
icewolf/icey